Let's talk about sex (in South Korea)

A couple of weeks ago, I was walking home after seeing a movie when I noticed a new bar that had just opened up. "It's only 9:30 on a Friday night, why not pop in for a drink and check the place out?" I thought to myself.

I walk into the bar and am immediately greeted by an attractive girl (or at least she was attractive now that she had purchased the standard #4 Korean face offered by the local plastic surgeon), wearing a short skirt. Nothing too surprising about that; attractive girls in short skirts are fairly common at bars in Korea (and pretty much anywhere else in the world, for that matter). She leads me to a booth and asks what I would like. For some reason, Hoegaarden can be found nearly everywhere in South Korea and it's by far the best option you'll find, so I go with that.

She comes back with three bottles. I'm confused and explain (in Kindergarten level Korean) that I just wanted one. She tells me that I can't just order one; I have to order three at a time - two for me and one for her... This is the moment that I begin to realize what kind of establishment I've wandered into. In hindsight, the amount of velvet in the bar probably should have tipped me off sooner.

So I begin to form my exit strategy. How do you leave a situation like that politely? Should I even be concerned with politeness at this point? These were questions to which I had no good answer. After a few minutes of awkwardness momentarily relieved by sips of beer, I finally decide that I have to get out of there. The best that my Korean can muster is "I'm sorry. I want beer. I don't want you." Charming.

Me with my Hoegaarden

She nods as if she understands and walks away. "Thank god" I say to myself. But then she comes back with a tray of fruits and nuts. She tries feeding said fruits and nuts to me. I turn my head away (are some men really willing to eat grapes out of a prostitute's hand?!). This is the final straw. "Okay okay... can I have the bill?" I say. I pay and leave my remaining beer and a half behind. That's how you know I was really uncomfortable; it was enough to override how much I like beer and how much I hate wasting money.

What I had unknowingly stumbled into is known as a 'business bar' and it turns out that they're all over South Korea. I learned that the 'real action' doesn't usually occur at business bars; rather, they're places where men can go to flirt with girls, maybe get a little grabby, and possibly get one of the girls' numbers for later on. If you're a man who works in an office in Korea, outings to business bars are a part of everyday life and most bosses will expect you to attend as often as possible, regardless of marital status. Most wives are aware that this goes on and look the other way because they believe it will help their husband to move up in the company.

Despite being illegal, prostitution is everywhere in South Korea. Here are some shocking statistics for you: (1) the prostitution industry makes over $13 billion per year, 2% of South Korea's GDP, (2) about 8% of Korean women will work in some form of prostitution at some point in their life, and (3) 20% of Korean men in their twenties visit a prostitute at least once a week and 5% visit them DAILY. Forget the morality for a second; how do they even afford that?

The number of different forms of prostitution that exist here is almost equally shocking. There are places where it's basically out in the open - pink (not red!) light districts - places that appear to be one type of business but are really just a front - karaoke rooms, massage parlors, barber shops - services that come to you - coffee delivery girls - and places that blur the line between what is and isn't prostitution - kiss rooms, cuddle rooms, and (sorry, there's no delicate way to put this) masturbation-by-proxy rooms.

A pink light district in Seoul

You're probably saying to yourself, "but I thought Korean culture was really conservative." That's the crazy thing - it is. The average Korean has sex for the first time at age 22, 4 years later than the average American. And premarital sex is rare; only 30% of unmarried women between ages 19 and 30 have had sex. Furthermore, Koreans don't like to talk about sex. There's no sex education in the schools and adults very rarely discuss it. Even mentioning the medical terms in conversation is enough to make most Koreans squirm. And, finally, pornography is illegal here and, unlike prostitution, heavily monitored. Interestingly, the majority of the monitoring is actually done by religious groups, not by the government. These religious groups scour the internet looking for porn and report it to the Orwellian-sounding Korean Communications Standards Commission, who then block it from all servers in the country.

If you try to access a porn site in South Korea, you get redirected to this warning.

I discovered this while... um... conducting research.

So how do you reconcile Korea's ultra-conservative culture with the ubiquity of prostitution here? I think it's a pretty simple truth that has applied to every society that has ever existed: repression of sexuality doesn't make it go away; it just forces people to find an acceptable outlet, the path of least resistance if you will. And in Korea, as strange as it may sound, prostitution is the path of least resistance. It has a long history in the country and is generally accepted. 

Need further proof that repression of one sexual outlet just increases the demand for another outlet? Check out this study into which US states watch the most pornography. 5 out of the top 8 states are in the sexually repressed bible belt. And the winner? Utah.

A note: Of course there's an elephant in the room that I didn't address in this post: what do the 70% of single 19-30 year old women who aren't having sex do? Truth be told, there's a limit to the information that I, as a foreign man, am able to acquire and, alas, that information is beyond my reach. And if I'm not knowledgeable about an area, I don't think it's my place to comment upon it.